I will always love you
by Mumofpicklegirls
Summary: As Joe struggles to comes to term with his loss, he remembers her words. Babe story. High angst. One shot with a follow up story to follow in the future


**I know, long time no write. **

**I've been busy with home life, my kids, getting over my father's passing...**

**Anyway, this is just a one shot that I had to get off the end of my fingers. As usual, it's angsty but hopefully you'll enjoy. **

**There is a follow on story in the pipeline but I've another Twilight related story which I need to finish before I can come back to the Plum universe. **

**As a result the next story in my version of JE's reality will not be forthcoming for quite a while. Sorry :o(**

**Please R&amp;R, the last 12 months have been rather rocky and you make my day when you give it to me with both barrels.**

**Oh, by the way... TISSUE WARNING (there, you've been told!)**

As I sit on the wooden bench, watching the sun spread its fingers through the morning sky lighting up the sky with its timid hellos, the precious bundle in my arms shifts and I look down and stare into the intense brown, intelligent eyes of the little girl that stole my heart the moment I first met her six months ago. I attach her bottle to her mouth and she sucks noisily and greedily.

"Yeah, food always was important to your Mommy too" I say with a crooked smile, even as my heart breaks a little bit more.

We sit, the only sounds breaking the moment are those of a hungry baby filling her little belly, the distant crash of waves on the shore and the occasional squawking seagull and I think back to all that has happened to my roller coaster life in the last three years.

None of it was expected and events of that night two months, three days and six and 3/4 hours ago are ones that will haunt me till my dying day…

_Flashback:_

_Dead of night_

_Rain, so much rain… _

_The sounds of sirens, screaming car alarms…the horrendous smell of broken flesh, scorched metal and skid-fried rubber. _

_Pain, so much pain then silence..._

_The streetlight, its light flickering down feebly from a twisted angle. The black car wrapped round it as it kisses a second, silver one with violent passion._

_Fear, so much gut wrenching fear…_

_The dog, my dog, lying in a puddle. Stone still. Bloodied._

_Dispair, so much dispair_

_The emergency services doing their job, urgent yet calm._

_Gone… just… gone_

_The three gurneys carrying flaccid bodies._

_Vomit, my vomit…_

_Bent double, even as the broken lead dangles from my hand._

_End flashback._

I sigh and train my eyes on the beach below and the few people walking its length. A dog races past throwing wet sand in the air with its feet, reminding me of my bright orange, stupid, stupid dog, Bob. I will not blame him for what happened that night. Cupcake would never forgive me for blaming him for his part in the tragedy, and my heart aches for him too.

I try not to think, after all, what will it achieve? So I train my eyes to the pier, studying its slightly battered looking weathered length and stare unseeing at the sign nailed down its side. 'Welcome to Point Pleasant.' I know it cheerfully states.

Eventually I pull the now empty bottle from Jarelle's begrudging mouth and tip her onto the muslin that drapes across my shoulder so that I can burp her.

I chuckle as almost immediately she gives me a loud belch, one even the boys at TPD would be proud of, before settling her in my arms again and continuing to gaze out at the horizon as she grumbles into sleep.

"Shhh, Baby girl." I admonish softly. "I'm searching for Mommy. I know she's here watching over us."

Over the gentle breeze I'm sure I hear "I will always love you, Joe."

And my heart clenches all over again. She _is_ here, watching me as I hold her beautiful, whispy haired daughter in my arms. The feeling of not being alone is gone as quickly as it came, but it warms my heart momentarily all the same.

We continue to sit as the day begins and Jarelle starts to fidget in her sleep. With a final sigh I get up and turn round.

It is time.

Behind me a solitary figure stands, dressed mostly in black but with a slither of white peeking from the cotton shirt under his suit jacket.

"You ready?" Santos asks, his blank face hiding his own pain.

"Yeah." I state, my own feelings hiding behind what Steph called my cop face.

"Been here long?" I ask.

"Moments." Comes his clipped reply.

We walk towards the all black, all huge, shiny Explorer, ignoring the beaten up faded brown sedan that I came in. It will be back in the TPD parking lot when I get home. This I know.

"You ready?" he asks again.

"Yeah." I reply again

Today is a big day, for those of us left behind.

Today we christen Jarelle Saoirse (seer sha) Manoso.

My charge.

My God Daughter.

Lester's God Daughter.

_Flashback:_

_I grin stupidly as I hold nine day old Jarelle in my arms, playing with perfect, tiny pale mocha latte fingers that move constantly as she squints up at me and tests the new found space around her. _

_The incredible, perfectly blended product of my former lover, fiancée and best friend and the man I now also call friend._

_Steph is sitting across from me on the decking the guys at Rangeman and I laid last spring in the Plum's back yard, Carlos is standing behind her as she suddenly sits more upright on her wooden chair. _

_In other parts of the garden Tank is pushing lumps of meat around on the grill as he nurses a beer and dissects last night's Ranger's game with Frank. The Kloughn is with them and trying his hardest to contribute, but I don't need to look to know that he is somehow failing. Near the back of the house Helen, Maria (Manoso) and Ella are piling food up on the vast wooden garden table and Edna is trying to corner a vulnerable looking Bobby who is trying not to drop a tray of drinks as she closes in on him. Others are either playing with various children that litter the place or catching up with old friends and colleagues. _

_None of this matters and the sights and sounds fade into the background as I focus on the two people in front of me._

"_If anything ever happens to the both of us, Joe, we expect you to look after her." Steph says as she shifts slightly in her new more erect position._

"_Me?!" I reply._

"_Yeah. I will always love you Joe and Jarelle is your God Daughter, after all." Steph adds with an all knowing smirk._

"_God Father? Me?" I say as dawning pride soon replaces confusion._

"_Yes." Carlos added as he rests his hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. _

"_We figured that you have known Stephanie for so long that you would have some level of understanding if she ever decided to throw herself off a garage roof and try to fly." He states, mirth dancing behind his eyes as his lips tip up slightly with the hint of a smile._

_Boy oh boy…_

"_And no letting her near the inside of any strange garages…" Cupcake adds with a knowing look._

_Carlos looks confused, well as much as his schooled features allow him to._

"_I'll tell you later." Steph says with finality as she looks up at him. I watch as an unsaid conversation takes place and he relaxes with a nod._

_I look from one to the other, yeah they really are well matched I ponder, as I remember the moment when I knew he'd won. _

_When I knew without a doubt that she would be happier with him than me. _

_Her yin to his yang._

_When I gave up pretending we would work and let her go._

_To him._

_And I'd been right. Their love had blossomed and our relationship had been better for it. Manoso and I even buried our hatchets and made good._

_That was three years ago and over time we'd bonded over pizza, tree bark and beer._

_End flashback._

I strap a drooping Jarelle into her baby seat and watch as she buries into its snuggled embrace before loading myself up into Les's behemoth.

"How did you know where we were?" I asked, not sure if I want to know the answer.

"Jarelle is the last link to Beautiful and my cousin." Lester explains.

I need no further information. I am not the only one grieving.

"This is for you." Santos adds as he passes me an envelope.

"Ella has been holding these at Carlo's request to give to us if anything ever happened to him and Steph."

"Why now?"

"Because it's time, apparently."

I nod and Lester starts the engine. Whatever is in the envelope can wait until tomorrow morning, I decide.

Turning the envelope over I look at the words on the front.

"Joe

I will always love you.

Cupcake."

I gulp loudly.

"And I you." I mentally add as Lester pulls out of the lot and towards the future.

**Hope you enjoyed it. As I said, more to follow but please be patient.**

**Hope you have a great day!**

**xxx**


End file.
